Film Review: The Happening
The Happening is just not happening; did you like that? Good. Then we’re on the same page, I think; that suitably terrible pun is a fine way to kick start the review of a thoroughly atrocious shambles of film-making. Haters of M. Night Shayamalan rejoice! There’s enough fodder in this one film to last a full life-time–or two, if you actually dissect all the nightmarish problem, which I suggest you don’t risk–of perpetual mocking. If you found Signs not to your liking then look-out, Signs is to The Happening what Ben Hur is to Mr. Bean The Movie. And to think I was actually thinking it could be OK…
In The Happening, where an unknown—but extremely obvious, at least to everyone but every single person in the film, that is—force strikes the North Eastern United States, causing people everywhere to commit suicide for no reason at all, many things happen. Yes, don’t be under the illusion that just because it’s not happening nothing actually happens; plenty of weird and wonderful things are included for our miserable viewing pleasure–or drunken enjoyment, perhaps–not limited to and including: the sky rains people, people run into the thick of trouble absolutely deliberately, and many a ludicrous conversation is had, usually for the sole purpose of slapping on a plate the kind of information that even a cretin couldn’t help but find obvious just by looking at Mark Wahlberg’s paranoid wooden face.
Mark Wahlberg, let’s get to him now, because he deserves a serious panning for this mess (and we don’t even have time to talk about his female leading co-star); in this film, the thing which stretches the boundaries of believability the most has to be his role as a deep-thinking science teacher.
What else do you need to know? Hmm, well you should also know that the evil protagonist in The Happening is nothing less than the wind. Yes, you read that correctly. So what do the lead characters do, you might ask? What you’d expect from such an awful film, of course: they find some large open fields and run straight for them!
One last thing before I go, I have decided it was about time to just get it over with and book the appointment to get that tattoo that I had gotten when I was young and rebelious removed. However, I was looking on the page for laser tattoo removal brentwood and I began to doubt if it will look better afterwards, so if you are curious stay tuned because I have a feeling in the near future I may be doing a review of them!
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